Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
