Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
