someone get that fucking seahorse.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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