whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
