You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
