I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
