so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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