i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
