well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
