last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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