I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
