I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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