i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
