No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
