here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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