Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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