wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
