my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
