just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
