I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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