Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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