Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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