I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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