im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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