I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
