I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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