it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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