you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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