I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
