thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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