smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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