who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
