i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
