If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
