I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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