It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
