Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Barsexuality is the new black.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
