Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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