Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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