I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
