I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
