he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
