I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
