Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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