wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
