He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
