Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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