I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
