i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
