be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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