She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
