seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
