Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
