I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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