is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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