Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
