I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
