I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
