she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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